I cannot beleive its only Tuesday. I'v had years that have gone by quicker than the last 4 days! I have only one word to describe today .. okay maybe two words ... BLOODY PAINFUL!
Today has been a disaster in every sense of the word. It started by being my first day back at work whilst on the diet, working from home yesterday was a breeze compared to being back at work today. Firstly, I have to go to London and be surrounded by the sights, smells and happiness of every fried chicken shop in central london - (yes even at 10am in the morning - it appears the people of London just love a McChicken Bap for their elevenses) Now, I'v seen the programmes about how cruelly the chickens are kept when batch farmed and that anyone with an ounce of morality should steer clear.. but I havent "eaten" for 4 days and if you think that stopped me wanting to visit the Colonel directly and holding him hostage for his "secret recipe" .. then you are wrong. It was absolute torture - every corner presented me with a costa coffee, a sandwich bar, an italian restaurant, a chinese buffet restaurant - and for anyone that knows me well enough, the endured trauma as I walked past Starbucks. Of all challenges, this was going to be the one to chuck me head first off the wagon and make me fall flat on my face. Just one Caramel Macchiato would have been fine. I'd even be prepared to have the skinny version - now thats desperate.
However, I just stood at the window, on the outside looking in and realised that I probably looked a little like Charlie Bucket looking into the shop at the wonka bars, knowing they were so far from his reach.I watched through the window at the skinny people enjoying their "mocha choca extra large extra cream soya milk caramel drizzle double top coffees with an extra shot" - it hardly seemed fair.
However, I am proud of doing something I never thought was possible - I walked straight past Starbucks for the first time in my life and I didnt go in. For me, that was more an accomplishment than giving up food for 4 days!
I had a meeting first thing in the morning with my "big boss". I was armed with Listerine strips to save her from the clutches of the kerrykatona breath and with a litre bottle of water to see my hunger pains through the morning. It wasnt until I had witnessed her look at my chest more than about 5 times that I looked down to realise I was in fact revealing much more of my "chest" than I would have liked! I had a top on, that is actually Claires, which last month when I borrowed it was nice and snug and covered my modesty - this time round however, it was hanging off the front of my chest - clearly revealing more than my "big boss" would have deemed acceptable! I wrapped up the meeting (and my cleavage) swiftly and headed out with a slight smile on my face ... if the t-shirt is too big for me.. it can only mean one thing :-)
I called my mum on the way back ... I dont know whether it was to moan or to show off "I haven't eaten in 4 whole days" ... my mum found (deep deep down somewhere) some words of encouragement and it made me feel a whole load better ... she even managed to direct me to where the sweetners would be in a Tesco Express store in Central London that she's never been within a 50 mile radius of! That woman knows her stuff!
On my new found motivation, I headed back to the tube, surrounded by the sights and smells of London (mainly food). I passed a chemist and realised there were some things called "Ketostix" that I could buy which would test my level of Ketones, hence check if I was actually at the ultimate stage of fat burning.
There was only one way to see for certain if kerrykatona was present in my body (cough), and that was to get some sticks! So, for the first and most likely one of the last times in my life, I pee'ed on a stick ... and there we have it ... DARK PURPLE .. the most positive Ketone sign you can get according to the colour chart .. RESULT!
Even with the reassurance of my kerrykatonas, the rest of the day however has been nearly impossible, I returned to my desk to find a loaf of olive bread that my colleague had bought me back from somerset ... er, thanks, I'll pop it in the freezer... I had 3 lunch invites waiting in my inbox and someone was walking around trying to give away sandwiches .. not a good afternoon. I even went back to the loo with a second "ketostick" as something to do ... not the most socially acceptable thing to do whilst others are waiting for me to start a meeting - but it was better than eating my computer screen in front of everyone.
I struggled to take my mind off food all the way home, I imagined what it would be like to take a bite of a krispy kreme donut ... and I dont even like Krispy Kreme Donuts... I decided to pop into Tesco on the way home, just to have a look around. I could look, but I knew touching was out of bounds. In fact I knew that even fantasising would probably be deemed illegal - but I just needed to look at the food .. I needed to come face to face with the demon that had done this to me .. I needed to know what I was missing. I left Tesco 40 minutes later, with about 30 minutes of that stood in front of the the hot chicken counter and the other 10 minutes reading text messages from my best friend Jo telling me to "get out get out get out" upon realising I was basically on the same level of risk as Amy Winehouse in a crack den ... I bought a pair of size 14 jeans that I WILL squeeze myself into within the next 2 weeks and a cream of skin firming cream. No food.
I got home at approx 5pm and made my chocolate coffee milkshake quicker than you can say "not for me Im on a diet" and guzzled it quicker than you can say "oh go on then, just one wont hurt." I find pleasure in knowing theres a chicken soup waiting for me when I get home later ... no, seriously I do.
Today has been tough, really really tough, I suspect tomorrow will be tough too. Im going to the cinema tonight and will have to endure the sounds of people enjoying their popcorn - or maybe if Im really lucky I might get some thrown at me by some rowdy teenagers, suddenly that prospect seems rather appealing - theres a 3 second rule after all :-)
TODAYS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO CLAIRE, CARLEY, JO AND MY MUM ... MY ENCOURAGERS AND MY SUPPORT FOR TODAY WHO I KNOW WILL LOVE ME WHETHER IM 8 STONE OR 80 STONE! ... THANK YOU GUYS X
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