25rd August 2010 ... 2 Weeks On ...

Its been two weeks since a crumb of "real food" went past my lips! Yes, Im still on Total Food Replacement, and they don't call it "Total" for nothing.

I'v left it a week in between my blogs to see 1) Who the hell would miss it and 2) now that my days are not filled with self pity and misery, I thought that my bloggollers may be disappointed by the content. I know that everyone gained a huge satisfaction from listening to my pain.

So, Iv still managed to avoid food - ALL food! Iv had my second weigh in and on week 1 of the "New You" diet I have lost 4Ibs ... so that means Im now at 13.4stone .. a total lost of 15Ib in two weeks. That aint 'arf bad! I probably could have lost more but I felt it was only right to taste every kind of food offering that New You had in the first week, meaning some days I maybe had a little more fake food then was deemed necessary .. so lets see what happens at the end of week three. Lipo-who?

In the last 2 weeks, I appear to have turned into a Ketosis diet guru offering email advice to anyone that wants it! (people have asked, I havent just assumed people want to go on a diet and started hounding them ... Im not that cruel) I have turned so much into a Guru and become so obsessed with it that the "New You" company have offered me my own affiliate site! I think this makes me feel special, a little like Hemel Hempstead's very own Rosemary Connolly but without the energetic bit .. or grey hair. So if anyone out there is thinking they would most like to endure the pain I went through in the beginning, and do a TFR diet - see me for a 10% discount code ...

I say I have managed to avoid ALL food but there was one tiny mishap. Picture the scene - a beautiful woman comes and spends the day sitting at my desk, to "learn" from me (I dont know who sent her!) ... Now, Im more than aware of my Ketosis acid breathe and attempt to chew Listerine strips by the bucketload and empty litres of water down it to erradicate it ... however, I had run out of both ... and so was very concious. Im not sure if she was also very conscious of my kk breathe, but at that moment she just so happened to pull out a glistening silver tub with my utter most favourite word scribed on it "Starbucks" and as she thrust them towards me offering "mint?", I lost all sense of self control. Im not sure whether it was my desperation to ensure I didnt kill her my kk fumes, or whether the word "starbucks" sent me into overload, but I reached out, took a mint and placed it in my mouth. Imagine, I havent had "food" for 2 weeks now so the overwhelming flavour caught me by immediate suprise and, at my desk, in front of the intimidatingly attractive woman - I spat my mint on the floor in disgust. Of course, her look was of both suprise and assumption that maybe she was sitting with a client of the clinic rather than a member of staff, and upon apologising and explaining I couldnt eat any food - she didnt seem any less bemused. I have learnt my lesson, I wont every let anything come between me and my kks again!

I also managed to endure a BBQ this week - I stood moaning, whining, complaining and eyeing sausages in a way I never dreamed I would ever look at a sausage. My friends were very good to me, they drank wine, smoked cigarettes and Claire ate 3 burgers in front of me (thinking if she stood facing the fence and talking with her mouth full, I wouldn't notice) ... I drank water and left after 45 minutes knowing that if I had stayed any longer I would literally be spitroasting my own arm on the BBQ and would enjoy every minute of it. It wasnt easy .... but it was 45 minutes of socialising ... it was enough. Maybe it was was too soon, I jumped in the deep end after all surrounding myself with delicious food, alcohol and people smoking (a favourite past time of mine) ... I walked away feeling better for it ... Major challenge 1 ... complete.

My milestone this week was starting to sell my pre-diet clothes on ebay, Im pretty much buggered if I put the weight back on because I will have nothing to wear but a bathrobe and an old nightdress my nan left behind last time she stayed...  once I start to FEEL thinner - that will be the real milestone. At the moment, IM still feeling like Tubby Tina ... and I have to refeed next week to prep myself for Hadrians Wall and although Im just dying to eat some normal food, Im actually a bit scared to as well ... I dont want the last 3 weeks to have been for nothing ... but Im reassured that burning approx 4000 calories a day will mean I wont pile back on my 15Ib ... heres hoping! Iv got no clothes to wear if I do.

The listings are nearly all finished and everything is selling ... one thing in particular, a bow print dress I have worn to a couple of gigs has attracted the attention of "Brenda" ... Brenda is from Germany and has managed to convince me she is not a scammer and she has looked for a Bow Print Dress for months now as her boyfriend will be proposing to her and she wants a bow dress to wear for the occasion so she looks like a big present for him! I nearly wet myself laughing ... I dont know if I'v been had, but Brenda doesnt sound like a very German name to me ...