Day one on TFR. Fail. Flat on my face, it was like I didnt even bother trying!
I thought I would start TFR again when my life resumed some sort of normality after the Christmas Binge and I went back to work, so I grabbed a shake and truffle bar this morning and headed into the office at some god earthly hour this morning while it was still dark. My intentions were absolutely there. That was until I reached the office and was immediately pounced on, they literally hit me hard right where it hurt .... the bloody left over Ferrero Roche's and Mince Pies from the office Xmas lunch ... I never went to the Xmas Lunch, so assumed these ones must be for me.
Four mince pies, and a number I cant even count up to, of Ferrero Roche's later ... and Im left wondering what the hell is the point of trying to do this today! I also then remembered I had a can of red bull on the way into work ... Iv clearly tried to do too much all in one day - return to work AND diet? No, its not going to happen.
Hence, I went to my usual lunchtime haunt (the greasy spoon next door) to partake in my usual bad habits and what on earth do I walk past ... what has been erected right next door to my office in my measly one month absence from work? A KEBAB SHOP!!! AND it opens at lunchtime ... its like I'm meant to be fat, all these obstacles thrown in front of me, then I tripped over a bakewell tart on the way back into my office.
So, now Iv got all of that (plus a tin of rice pudding and a bag of minstrels) out of my willpower (or lack of it) system this evening ... I shall start again tomorrow.
Watch this space .... weigh in starts tomorrow ... as does starvation.
Tuesday 4 January 2011
Friday 17 December 2010
Its nearly Xmas ...
Okay, so theres no two ways about it, I'v let myself go. I came off TFR (Total FOod Replacement for those who havent been avid readers!) months ago and since then Iv eaten practically everything in sight and not given 2 hoots about it. Well actually, I do give 2 hoots AFTER I'v eaten it but it's not enough to stop me doing it again.
Back in October when I officially came off TFR and succombed to the desires of "La Dominoes", my excuses came rolling and rolling in every week of why I couldnt continue with the diet. What it all boiled down to was that "in 3 months time it will be Christmas, theres no point, I might as well start again in January!" The fact that 3 months ON the diet meant I'd have practically been at target weight by now ... no, I still had my excuses.
So since October Iv scoffed and eaten everything from chinese to pizza and fish and chips and on one day I had mcdonalds for breakfast, starbucks for lunch and fish and chops for dinner, utterly disgusting and have I enjoyed it? I'v enjoyed every single bloody moment of it. I have attempted to keep up with Badminton, so at least thats something ... although I have put 1/2 stone of my 2stone loss back on ... it's better than it was ...
So, this blog here is my pre-warning that as of 2nd January (no one REALLY starts a diet on 1st January on a hangover so Im being realistic!) the FAT FIGHTING BLOG will be back ... and this time it will be kicking ass! (literally, hopefully most of it cos that has got mighty fat as well)
If I had continued with TFR I would have been in my size 12 dress at my Christmas Party tomorrow, but Im only in a 14 ... last year I was in an 18 ... I might well be in an 18 again by the end of Christmas day ;-)
Merry Christmas Everyone, Eat (a lot), Drink (a lot) and be very very merry. Come January 2nd, I'll be here to depress you all with the trials and tribulations of a fat girl from Hemel.
Good Night ;-)
Back in October when I officially came off TFR and succombed to the desires of "La Dominoes", my excuses came rolling and rolling in every week of why I couldnt continue with the diet. What it all boiled down to was that "in 3 months time it will be Christmas, theres no point, I might as well start again in January!" The fact that 3 months ON the diet meant I'd have practically been at target weight by now ... no, I still had my excuses.
So since October Iv scoffed and eaten everything from chinese to pizza and fish and chips and on one day I had mcdonalds for breakfast, starbucks for lunch and fish and chops for dinner, utterly disgusting and have I enjoyed it? I'v enjoyed every single bloody moment of it. I have attempted to keep up with Badminton, so at least thats something ... although I have put 1/2 stone of my 2stone loss back on ... it's better than it was ...
So, this blog here is my pre-warning that as of 2nd January (no one REALLY starts a diet on 1st January on a hangover so Im being realistic!) the FAT FIGHTING BLOG will be back ... and this time it will be kicking ass! (literally, hopefully most of it cos that has got mighty fat as well)
If I had continued with TFR I would have been in my size 12 dress at my Christmas Party tomorrow, but Im only in a 14 ... last year I was in an 18 ... I might well be in an 18 again by the end of Christmas day ;-)
Merry Christmas Everyone, Eat (a lot), Drink (a lot) and be very very merry. Come January 2nd, I'll be here to depress you all with the trials and tribulations of a fat girl from Hemel.
Good Night ;-)
Wednesday 25 August 2010
25rd August 2010 ... 2 Weeks On ...
Its been two weeks since a crumb of "real food" went past my lips! Yes, Im still on Total Food Replacement, and they don't call it "Total" for nothing.
I'v left it a week in between my blogs to see 1) Who the hell would miss it and 2) now that my days are not filled with self pity and misery, I thought that my bloggollers may be disappointed by the content. I know that everyone gained a huge satisfaction from listening to my pain.
So, Iv still managed to avoid food - ALL food! Iv had my second weigh in and on week 1 of the "New You" diet I have lost 4Ibs ... so that means Im now at 13.4stone .. a total lost of 15Ib in two weeks. That aint 'arf bad! I probably could have lost more but I felt it was only right to taste every kind of food offering that New You had in the first week, meaning some days I maybe had a little more fake food then was deemed necessary .. so lets see what happens at the end of week three. Lipo-who?
In the last 2 weeks, I appear to have turned into a Ketosis diet guru offering email advice to anyone that wants it! (people have asked, I havent just assumed people want to go on a diet and started hounding them ... Im not that cruel) I have turned so much into a Guru and become so obsessed with it that the "New You" company have offered me my own affiliate site! I think this makes me feel special, a little like Hemel Hempstead's very own Rosemary Connolly but without the energetic bit .. or grey hair. So if anyone out there is thinking they would most like to endure the pain I went through in the beginning, and do a TFR diet - see me for a 10% discount code ...
I say I have managed to avoid ALL food but there was one tiny mishap. Picture the scene - a beautiful woman comes and spends the day sitting at my desk, to "learn" from me (I dont know who sent her!) ... Now, Im more than aware of my Ketosis acid breathe and attempt to chew Listerine strips by the bucketload and empty litres of water down it to erradicate it ... however, I had run out of both ... and so was very concious. Im not sure if she was also very conscious of my kk breathe, but at that moment she just so happened to pull out a glistening silver tub with my utter most favourite word scribed on it "Starbucks" and as she thrust them towards me offering "mint?", I lost all sense of self control. Im not sure whether it was my desperation to ensure I didnt kill her my kk fumes, or whether the word "starbucks" sent me into overload, but I reached out, took a mint and placed it in my mouth. Imagine, I havent had "food" for 2 weeks now so the overwhelming flavour caught me by immediate suprise and, at my desk, in front of the intimidatingly attractive woman - I spat my mint on the floor in disgust. Of course, her look was of both suprise and assumption that maybe she was sitting with a client of the clinic rather than a member of staff, and upon apologising and explaining I couldnt eat any food - she didnt seem any less bemused. I have learnt my lesson, I wont every let anything come between me and my kks again!
I also managed to endure a BBQ this week - I stood moaning, whining, complaining and eyeing sausages in a way I never dreamed I would ever look at a sausage. My friends were very good to me, they drank wine, smoked cigarettes and Claire ate 3 burgers in front of me (thinking if she stood facing the fence and talking with her mouth full, I wouldn't notice) ... I drank water and left after 45 minutes knowing that if I had stayed any longer I would literally be spitroasting my own arm on the BBQ and would enjoy every minute of it. It wasnt easy .... but it was 45 minutes of socialising ... it was enough. Maybe it was was too soon, I jumped in the deep end after all surrounding myself with delicious food, alcohol and people smoking (a favourite past time of mine) ... I walked away feeling better for it ... Major challenge 1 ... complete.
My milestone this week was starting to sell my pre-diet clothes on ebay, Im pretty much buggered if I put the weight back on because I will have nothing to wear but a bathrobe and an old nightdress my nan left behind last time she stayed... once I start to FEEL thinner - that will be the real milestone. At the moment, IM still feeling like Tubby Tina ... and I have to refeed next week to prep myself for Hadrians Wall and although Im just dying to eat some normal food, Im actually a bit scared to as well ... I dont want the last 3 weeks to have been for nothing ... but Im reassured that burning approx 4000 calories a day will mean I wont pile back on my 15Ib ... heres hoping! Iv got no clothes to wear if I do.
The listings are nearly all finished and everything is selling ... one thing in particular, a bow print dress I have worn to a couple of gigs has attracted the attention of "Brenda" ... Brenda is from Germany and has managed to convince me she is not a scammer and she has looked for a Bow Print Dress for months now as her boyfriend will be proposing to her and she wants a bow dress to wear for the occasion so she looks like a big present for him! I nearly wet myself laughing ... I dont know if I'v been had, but Brenda doesnt sound like a very German name to me ...
I'v left it a week in between my blogs to see 1) Who the hell would miss it and 2) now that my days are not filled with self pity and misery, I thought that my bloggollers may be disappointed by the content. I know that everyone gained a huge satisfaction from listening to my pain.
So, Iv still managed to avoid food - ALL food! Iv had my second weigh in and on week 1 of the "New You" diet I have lost 4Ibs ... so that means Im now at 13.4stone .. a total lost of 15Ib in two weeks. That aint 'arf bad! I probably could have lost more but I felt it was only right to taste every kind of food offering that New You had in the first week, meaning some days I maybe had a little more fake food then was deemed necessary .. so lets see what happens at the end of week three. Lipo-who?
In the last 2 weeks, I appear to have turned into a Ketosis diet guru offering email advice to anyone that wants it! (people have asked, I havent just assumed people want to go on a diet and started hounding them ... Im not that cruel) I have turned so much into a Guru and become so obsessed with it that the "New You" company have offered me my own affiliate site! I think this makes me feel special, a little like Hemel Hempstead's very own Rosemary Connolly but without the energetic bit .. or grey hair. So if anyone out there is thinking they would most like to endure the pain I went through in the beginning, and do a TFR diet - see me for a 10% discount code ...
I say I have managed to avoid ALL food but there was one tiny mishap. Picture the scene - a beautiful woman comes and spends the day sitting at my desk, to "learn" from me (I dont know who sent her!) ... Now, Im more than aware of my Ketosis acid breathe and attempt to chew Listerine strips by the bucketload and empty litres of water down it to erradicate it ... however, I had run out of both ... and so was very concious. Im not sure if she was also very conscious of my kk breathe, but at that moment she just so happened to pull out a glistening silver tub with my utter most favourite word scribed on it "Starbucks" and as she thrust them towards me offering "mint?", I lost all sense of self control. Im not sure whether it was my desperation to ensure I didnt kill her my kk fumes, or whether the word "starbucks" sent me into overload, but I reached out, took a mint and placed it in my mouth. Imagine, I havent had "food" for 2 weeks now so the overwhelming flavour caught me by immediate suprise and, at my desk, in front of the intimidatingly attractive woman - I spat my mint on the floor in disgust. Of course, her look was of both suprise and assumption that maybe she was sitting with a client of the clinic rather than a member of staff, and upon apologising and explaining I couldnt eat any food - she didnt seem any less bemused. I have learnt my lesson, I wont every let anything come between me and my kks again!
I also managed to endure a BBQ this week - I stood moaning, whining, complaining and eyeing sausages in a way I never dreamed I would ever look at a sausage. My friends were very good to me, they drank wine, smoked cigarettes and Claire ate 3 burgers in front of me (thinking if she stood facing the fence and talking with her mouth full, I wouldn't notice) ... I drank water and left after 45 minutes knowing that if I had stayed any longer I would literally be spitroasting my own arm on the BBQ and would enjoy every minute of it. It wasnt easy .... but it was 45 minutes of socialising ... it was enough. Maybe it was was too soon, I jumped in the deep end after all surrounding myself with delicious food, alcohol and people smoking (a favourite past time of mine) ... I walked away feeling better for it ... Major challenge 1 ... complete.
My milestone this week was starting to sell my pre-diet clothes on ebay, Im pretty much buggered if I put the weight back on because I will have nothing to wear but a bathrobe and an old nightdress my nan left behind last time she stayed... once I start to FEEL thinner - that will be the real milestone. At the moment, IM still feeling like Tubby Tina ... and I have to refeed next week to prep myself for Hadrians Wall and although Im just dying to eat some normal food, Im actually a bit scared to as well ... I dont want the last 3 weeks to have been for nothing ... but Im reassured that burning approx 4000 calories a day will mean I wont pile back on my 15Ib ... heres hoping! Iv got no clothes to wear if I do.
The listings are nearly all finished and everything is selling ... one thing in particular, a bow print dress I have worn to a couple of gigs has attracted the attention of "Brenda" ... Brenda is from Germany and has managed to convince me she is not a scammer and she has looked for a Bow Print Dress for months now as her boyfriend will be proposing to her and she wants a bow dress to wear for the occasion so she looks like a big present for him! I nearly wet myself laughing ... I dont know if I'v been had, but Brenda doesnt sound like a very German name to me ...
Monday 16 August 2010
Monday 16th August - The Start of Week 2 and a New Diet ..
I haven’t given up, contrary to many peoples thoughts. No. The reason I have neglected my bloggollers (blog followers – I have made that word up so you heard it here first) is because I have literally been indulged in gorgeous creamy milkshakes, sweet maple syrup chocolate bars and lavish Spicy Noodle dishes … and the odd Strawberry Cream Wafer .. I have made the switch to “New You” and I really do feel like a New Me!
So since my last blog I have waved goodbye to Lipotrim, although we share the happy memories of a 12Ib weight loss, I’ll happily take the 12Ib back if it meant having to endure another Chicken (suitable for vegetarians) soup … or a powder-licious chocolate shake … no thanks. I had reached the point where I was probably going to lose weight due to my body going into starvation mode rather than thanking my kerrykatonas for all their hard work. Speaking of which , my two guilty lapses into tuna tins seem not to have budged it which is great news … it means I don’t have to endure another 5 days of culinary depression.
I waited patiently on Saturday morning for Parcelforce to deliver my food package … until it arrived I couldn’t eat a thing … as soon as it did I was like a child on Christmas morning … I couldn’t open the box quick enough and inside it was full of beautiful, crisp white packets. All labelled with the contents … but the ones that took my eye the most were the shiny reflective silver packets which I knew must be my solid food... I lost myself again and for a moment I was back staring into the window as Charlie Bucket – I was dying to find my golden ticket. Instead of a Golden Ticket I found something much much better … lying beneath the wrapper I found a Maple Fruit Chocolate Meal Bar, all 130 calories of it. This bar was going to be my new best friend, actually it was going to be my new lunch but it felt amazing to have “nice” food. I felt like Lipotrim had lasted a whole year!
So after I had unwrapped all of my delicious delights, I proceeded to set them up into my days and make myself a spread sheet (I love spread sheets – they help me rationalise, especially food) … so Im all set for the next 2 weeks of dieting … the test will of course be in the weigh in on Friday morning as at the moment I’m dubious that good tasting diet food can make you loose weight … if it works I may switch to a diet of cream cakes and pasta bakes ... mmmmm
So overall, my weekend was a success … however, it wasn’t such a success on the badminton court where I was beaten to a pulp by a certain Miss Ashton. In fairness, I haven’t actually eaten for 8 days and I just couldn’t fathom the energy, they finally let me give in when I was crawling on the floor gasping for water and begging for the game to stop … it was a harsh lesson to learn.
On Sunday I did nothing apart from taste a rather vile Vanilla Shake which I obviously wont be ordering again, I took one sip and had flashbacks to Lipotrim and emotionally I was back in LipoLand where misery is happiness.. I drank it and made do, but I won’t be making that mistake again .. and watched a few DVDs .. it was bliss. It was bliss compared to where I should have been which was at a food festival on the Isle of Wight … I wasn’t sure that my willpower would see me through the mounds of cheeses, pickles and homebrewed beer … so I decided to stay away and it was probably a wise choice … I heard it rained all day, I would have only got my hotdog wet.
As I write this I am sitting on a mound of Deep Heat as a result of doing too much exercise last week. I should have listened to the advice of doing “no exercise in the first week as you need to allow your body to adjust” … as per usual, I assumed I knew best and I continued to pack in as much exercise as possible… I have suffered as the muscles in my thighs and let’s say, Glutus Maximus, have left me wallowing in self-pity and Claire is yet to hear the end of my “bruised thighs and bum!”
Friday 13 August 2010
Day 7 ... Friday 13th August 2010 - END OF WEEK 1
My Dearest Blogwatchers,
It is with deep regret that I write to you with sad news this evening. For those know me and love the kind, warmhearted, witty being that is myself, I am afraid to say that as of 9.30am this morning, there is now 12Ibs less of me to love!
Correct. Do not adjust your screens or push your bi-focals up in the air (I'm hoping I have an audience of varying ages) ... in my week of hardship, self pity, food-goggling, supermarket browsing, and food touching only - I lost 12Ib. That's actually 1/4 of the amount I need to loose overall ... okay so most of it is water BUT 12Ib felt pretty amazing ... it looks like the kerrykatonas weren't affected too much by my guilt ridden tin of tuna last night!
Although I am rather joyous today at my weightloss success (in case you didn't see it above, I lost 12Ib this week), it was also a sad day as I had to say goodbye to Sarah the trainee chemist and the pharmacy lady who I felt I really bonded with in my first session last week. They saw me cry my completely over dramatised tears in their stationary cupboard (aka consulting room) and the look of panic on my face when I realised I was biting the bullet and going 2 months without food. They could quite clearly see that going without food was not something I had ever partaken in and I hadn't even told them! Amazing instincts these chemist people.
Especially Sarah the trainee chemist, the way she spoke to me, like it was my first day of school - it really showed she cared ... (I hope my sarcasm is getting across...maybe I didn't need to write this line ... I've probably ruined it now because you probably got it in the first place .. but it was in case you didn't)
They saw me a transformed figure of a woman today, albeit 12Ib less of a woman, and I told them I was flying the nest and going solo. You should have seen the look of disappointment on their face - there was none.
So, I'm going Total Food Replacement on my own. It appears my KK's are still firmly in place and today was a definite test of that. It is through my disorganisation, lack of brain power and distraction of having 2 screens open and spending more time buying DVD box sets from amazon, that means I didn't order my "new replacement food" until 5pm last night. So, lets put this in perspective. I had run out of Lipotrim .. and my order of new food isn't coming until tomorrow .. that means no food at all today without risking the kks? Correct.
I stocked up on as much water as possible determined to make it through the day, if I can survive on 400 calories a day surely I can survive on 0! Wrong! By 5pm I was so unbelievably hungry that I nearly ate one of my clients this afternoon. I wouldn't have felt all that bad either because when I gleefully bounced into my clinic, looked at 3 of my clients and said "anyone notice anything differently" .. they all looked blankly (like literally, blankly - like I wasn't even there!) so I helped them out a little "I've lost 12IB this week!" .. to which one of them who has an infamous gambling issue replied; "On what?" ... I left it at that with a HUGE sigh.
I digress, so by 5pm I was so famished that I went to tesco to buy a lonesome can of tuna number 2 and I ate the whole bloody lot within 2 minutes. There was no time for guilt, no time for thinking about the KK's ... it was just gone. I did take a trip to the gym this evening which was less successful than last night as attempting to exercise when all you have eaten for 48 hours is 2 tins of tuna .. is not fun nor clever. Plus I missed 'enders and The Boogie Pimps just weren't cutting it for me tonight. Still, I walked 4 miles on the treadmill and did 15 minutes on the steppy army thingy one.
I noticed on the way out that there was a board where you could stick your goals up and I went to fill in one and thought I'd take a look at some other peoples for some inspiration. I will leave you with the one that inspired me the most.
"To speak to the fit blond instructor, and then anal her"
Goodnight
It is with deep regret that I write to you with sad news this evening. For those know me and love the kind, warmhearted, witty being that is myself, I am afraid to say that as of 9.30am this morning, there is now 12Ibs less of me to love!
Correct. Do not adjust your screens or push your bi-focals up in the air (I'm hoping I have an audience of varying ages) ... in my week of hardship, self pity, food-goggling, supermarket browsing, and food touching only - I lost 12Ib. That's actually 1/4 of the amount I need to loose overall ... okay so most of it is water BUT 12Ib felt pretty amazing ... it looks like the kerrykatonas weren't affected too much by my guilt ridden tin of tuna last night!
Although I am rather joyous today at my weightloss success (in case you didn't see it above, I lost 12Ib this week), it was also a sad day as I had to say goodbye to Sarah the trainee chemist and the pharmacy lady who I felt I really bonded with in my first session last week. They saw me cry my completely over dramatised tears in their stationary cupboard (aka consulting room) and the look of panic on my face when I realised I was biting the bullet and going 2 months without food. They could quite clearly see that going without food was not something I had ever partaken in and I hadn't even told them! Amazing instincts these chemist people.
Especially Sarah the trainee chemist, the way she spoke to me, like it was my first day of school - it really showed she cared ... (I hope my sarcasm is getting across...maybe I didn't need to write this line ... I've probably ruined it now because you probably got it in the first place .. but it was in case you didn't)
They saw me a transformed figure of a woman today, albeit 12Ib less of a woman, and I told them I was flying the nest and going solo. You should have seen the look of disappointment on their face - there was none.
So, I'm going Total Food Replacement on my own. It appears my KK's are still firmly in place and today was a definite test of that. It is through my disorganisation, lack of brain power and distraction of having 2 screens open and spending more time buying DVD box sets from amazon, that means I didn't order my "new replacement food" until 5pm last night. So, lets put this in perspective. I had run out of Lipotrim .. and my order of new food isn't coming until tomorrow .. that means no food at all today without risking the kks? Correct.
I stocked up on as much water as possible determined to make it through the day, if I can survive on 400 calories a day surely I can survive on 0! Wrong! By 5pm I was so unbelievably hungry that I nearly ate one of my clients this afternoon. I wouldn't have felt all that bad either because when I gleefully bounced into my clinic, looked at 3 of my clients and said "anyone notice anything differently" .. they all looked blankly (like literally, blankly - like I wasn't even there!) so I helped them out a little "I've lost 12IB this week!" .. to which one of them who has an infamous gambling issue replied; "On what?" ... I left it at that with a HUGE sigh.
I digress, so by 5pm I was so famished that I went to tesco to buy a lonesome can of tuna number 2 and I ate the whole bloody lot within 2 minutes. There was no time for guilt, no time for thinking about the KK's ... it was just gone. I did take a trip to the gym this evening which was less successful than last night as attempting to exercise when all you have eaten for 48 hours is 2 tins of tuna .. is not fun nor clever. Plus I missed 'enders and The Boogie Pimps just weren't cutting it for me tonight. Still, I walked 4 miles on the treadmill and did 15 minutes on the steppy army thingy one.
I noticed on the way out that there was a board where you could stick your goals up and I went to fill in one and thought I'd take a look at some other peoples for some inspiration. I will leave you with the one that inspired me the most.
"To speak to the fit blond instructor, and then anal her"
Goodnight
Thursday 12 August 2010
Day 6 .. Thursday 12th August 2010
Today, readers, I have done what any good story writer should always do - I have provided you with the ultimate storyline. If my diet were "Feastenders", what I am about to tell you would be deserving of the finale .. "DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUMDUM DUMDUM" ... you get the idea.
I ate food today.
Yep, that's right - I ate food. I ate pure solid illegal banished food.
Let me start from the beginning. I woke this morning and had the most disgusting coffee I have ever had in my life because it was consumed by a vanilla powder, I drank it nevertheless. I got what I thought was a shake and my peppermint teabags ready to take to work and instead, I got sidetracked with thoughts of "ooh I'll take my guitar to work and play out on the grass at lunchtime to distract myself from eating other peoples lunches ..." and low and behold - I left my food behind which I didn't realise until I got to work.
So, I went ALL day today from 7.30am until I finally got home at 6.15pm .. with no "food" ... even my fake food! The depressing thing is, it peed down all day in London so I didn't even get to go and play my guitar!
So...picture the scene - I walk through the door, gasping for my milkshake and yearning for some energy - I pull a shake out of the cupboard and make what has to be the most disgusting watery substance I have ever made in the whole of my life. I don't know what went wrong this even but I just wasn't up to my usual Lipotrim culinary tricks ... I took one sip and threw the shake down the sink! No worries, I have my trusty chocolate cubes I made in the freezer still ... YUM! It turns out these Lipotrim shakes have to be eaten with 15 minutes of being made up, which was 23 hours ago - and it seems that left unconsumed overnight and then eaten...the only thing I can think the taste resembled was baby sick, I imagine. (Iv never tasted baby sick for the record)
I had one last fall back - the shake I was meant to take the work this morning ... or at least, the shake I thought I had put aside to take to work but no - in fact it was the shake I had left in the cupboard, the one that had gone tits up this evening and I tipped down the sink ... it was a disaster zone. I frantically scrapped my mind for ideas, what could I do - I hadn't eaten anything all day - I HAD to have something. So, in my infinite wisdom and my friend dearest friend Google, I checked what I could eat without it knocking my ketosis out of shape .. which by the way is well and truly set in today! From research, I can eat a boiled chicken breast (I'm sure that's what I used to make for my cat!) or a tin of tuna and some lettuce (likewise) I opted for the latter.
All the way through it I felt guilty but my god did it taste good - my taste buds have heightened in just one week enormously .. I could have been eating something created by Gordon Ramsey for all I care, it was bloody tasty. (Yes, just a can of tuna)
The guilt was just too much though. I knew I had to eat it for the calories but can you believe that after 6 days on an intake of 400 calories per day, I actually felt guilty for eating a poxy tin of tuna (brine and drained...very specific for the ketosis!) It was heartache .. I could feel the pounds piling on and I promptly ate, got my gym clothes on and headed to the sweat room in time to watch 'benders and for 60 minutes I worked that tuna off, it was hardcore pumping to get rid of it as quickly as I could ... I had cheated. I felt like a cheat. I wanted to scream out for my kerrykatonas...but I think its okay .. I think I have kept them safe. When I have the urge to go running to Iceland ... I know I'm losing my kerrykatonas ;-)
Well tomorrow is the big weigh in day but today there has been some progress with my decisions ladies and gents...I will no longer be partaking in the "Lipotrim" diet ... I will however be continuing with a Total Food Replacement diet .. just with a different company. There really is only so much chocolate milkshake (made wrong) that a person can take in a week and the chicken (suitable for vegetarians) has resorted to making me heave at the sight of the packet! SO, I'm off for my weekly weigh in at the chemist tomorrow and when they ask what sachets I want for next week .. I will firmly tell them where to stick it.
From now on, I'm on my own. No adult supervision from the chemist lady .. just me, my blog, and my trustee encourager's who read with anticipation at how the diet is going...
I ordered 2 weeks of meal replacements today from my new company and from trusty sources I am assured they are utterly delicious! Okay so it's still milkshakes, a few meal bars and soups BUT they do REAL FAKE food ... shepherds pie and spicy noodles (which come in a freeze dried packet and I make over the hob .. right now it sounds divine!)
My intake of calories will be the same and my kerrykatonas should continue nicely into the new diet ... fantastic! The disadvantage is .. I'm out of Liposhakes and my new diet food is "90%" next day delivery ... I hope I'm of the 90% ... if it doesn't come tomorrow I am doomed and will have to resort to eating the ice off the freezer floor ...
So, I'm excited about tomorrow and also a little nervous ... I hope Iv lost as much as I would like to think ... although my clothes don't feel much looser and I cant feel a difference myself .. bizarrely enough I think my shoes feel bigger - maybe I loose it from my feet first ;-)
I ate food today.
Yep, that's right - I ate food. I ate pure solid illegal banished food.
Let me start from the beginning. I woke this morning and had the most disgusting coffee I have ever had in my life because it was consumed by a vanilla powder, I drank it nevertheless. I got what I thought was a shake and my peppermint teabags ready to take to work and instead, I got sidetracked with thoughts of "ooh I'll take my guitar to work and play out on the grass at lunchtime to distract myself from eating other peoples lunches ..." and low and behold - I left my food behind which I didn't realise until I got to work.
So, I went ALL day today from 7.30am until I finally got home at 6.15pm .. with no "food" ... even my fake food! The depressing thing is, it peed down all day in London so I didn't even get to go and play my guitar!
So...picture the scene - I walk through the door, gasping for my milkshake and yearning for some energy - I pull a shake out of the cupboard and make what has to be the most disgusting watery substance I have ever made in the whole of my life. I don't know what went wrong this even but I just wasn't up to my usual Lipotrim culinary tricks ... I took one sip and threw the shake down the sink! No worries, I have my trusty chocolate cubes I made in the freezer still ... YUM! It turns out these Lipotrim shakes have to be eaten with 15 minutes of being made up, which was 23 hours ago - and it seems that left unconsumed overnight and then eaten...the only thing I can think the taste resembled was baby sick, I imagine. (Iv never tasted baby sick for the record)
I had one last fall back - the shake I was meant to take the work this morning ... or at least, the shake I thought I had put aside to take to work but no - in fact it was the shake I had left in the cupboard, the one that had gone tits up this evening and I tipped down the sink ... it was a disaster zone. I frantically scrapped my mind for ideas, what could I do - I hadn't eaten anything all day - I HAD to have something. So, in my infinite wisdom and my friend dearest friend Google, I checked what I could eat without it knocking my ketosis out of shape .. which by the way is well and truly set in today! From research, I can eat a boiled chicken breast (I'm sure that's what I used to make for my cat!) or a tin of tuna and some lettuce (likewise) I opted for the latter.
All the way through it I felt guilty but my god did it taste good - my taste buds have heightened in just one week enormously .. I could have been eating something created by Gordon Ramsey for all I care, it was bloody tasty. (Yes, just a can of tuna)
The guilt was just too much though. I knew I had to eat it for the calories but can you believe that after 6 days on an intake of 400 calories per day, I actually felt guilty for eating a poxy tin of tuna (brine and drained...very specific for the ketosis!) It was heartache .. I could feel the pounds piling on and I promptly ate, got my gym clothes on and headed to the sweat room in time to watch 'benders and for 60 minutes I worked that tuna off, it was hardcore pumping to get rid of it as quickly as I could ... I had cheated. I felt like a cheat. I wanted to scream out for my kerrykatonas...but I think its okay .. I think I have kept them safe. When I have the urge to go running to Iceland ... I know I'm losing my kerrykatonas ;-)
Well tomorrow is the big weigh in day but today there has been some progress with my decisions ladies and gents...I will no longer be partaking in the "Lipotrim" diet ... I will however be continuing with a Total Food Replacement diet .. just with a different company. There really is only so much chocolate milkshake (made wrong) that a person can take in a week and the chicken (suitable for vegetarians) has resorted to making me heave at the sight of the packet! SO, I'm off for my weekly weigh in at the chemist tomorrow and when they ask what sachets I want for next week .. I will firmly tell them where to stick it.
From now on, I'm on my own. No adult supervision from the chemist lady .. just me, my blog, and my trustee encourager's who read with anticipation at how the diet is going...
I ordered 2 weeks of meal replacements today from my new company and from trusty sources I am assured they are utterly delicious! Okay so it's still milkshakes, a few meal bars and soups BUT they do REAL FAKE food ... shepherds pie and spicy noodles (which come in a freeze dried packet and I make over the hob .. right now it sounds divine!)
My intake of calories will be the same and my kerrykatonas should continue nicely into the new diet ... fantastic! The disadvantage is .. I'm out of Liposhakes and my new diet food is "90%" next day delivery ... I hope I'm of the 90% ... if it doesn't come tomorrow I am doomed and will have to resort to eating the ice off the freezer floor ...
So, I'm excited about tomorrow and also a little nervous ... I hope Iv lost as much as I would like to think ... although my clothes don't feel much looser and I cant feel a difference myself .. bizarrely enough I think my shoes feel bigger - maybe I loose it from my feet first ;-)
Wednesday 11 August 2010
Day 5 .. Wednesday 11th August 2010
I have come to the conclusion that the only way I can continue with this diet is to avoid going to work for the foreseeable future. Okay, maybe that wont work ... but I did today. Today I worked from home where I was safe from the smells and temptations of the London Food Scene.
Within the 4 walls of my study, in front of my computer is where I feel the most safe. There is of course the mild interruptions of "Two for Tuesday" reminders from Pizza Hut directly to my email inbox, but I deleted them after pondering, then realising it was Wednesday anyway.
I had a lovely choc coffee milkshake which I avoided until 11am .... I seem to think the longer I suffer first thing in the morning, the less I'll suffer in the afternoon - its not quite true but for those first few hours it certainly gets me by. I spent the rest of the morning in front of the PC, door closed hoping that I wouldn't hear the bittersweet sound of takeaway delivery menus landing on my doormat.
I felt the need to experiment with my sachets today - the standard milkshakes just were not cutting it and before long I just know the smell of the "chicken" (for vegetarians!) soup will make me gag - so instead I decided to make a mousse and a poppadom for my dinner! That's right - a mousse from my vanilla shake mix and a poppadom from my chicken soup mix ... and it was not good.
The vanilla mousse .... OK-ish apart from the slight tangy salty oat after taste I got, towards the end I just swallowed without tasting. Still, the concept of using a spoon to eat my dinner was somewhat exciting and it got me through the meal. I then attempted to make the chicken soup into a paste, spread it on a baking tray and pop it in the oven - the theory being it would turn into a big poppadom. The result? I'm one sachet down for the week and no poppadom. Tomorrow, I'm going to try making crisps out of it with fizzy water - by the end of this diet I envisage my very own cookbook "Tina's guide to surviving Lipotrim". I will of course perfect the poppadom before that one is published.
What I did successfully make was chocolate! Oh yes, here is one craving that will be well and truly fulfilled! Chocolate shake made to a paste with a little one, spooned into ice cube trays and VOILA! one hour later I had teeny tiny bite size snacks of chocolate to get me through the few hours in between meals when I just need a hit ... and they don't taste half bad! This afternoon was a tricky one and anyone on facebook that saw my status' were probably aware that it was a struggle .. I wanted to eat and all I kept doing was going to the kitchen and looking in the cupboards pining for the day I would be able to eat the contents of it ... I even considered throwing it all in the bin, and then had to wake up to the fact its just not fair to starve Claire as well all in the name of dieting!
I played badminton again tonight and saw Ian who inspired me (I use that word loosely now I'm on day 5 of the diet from hell) to do Lipotrim and we spent about 30 minutes after the game talking about the diet and I left the sports centre feeling reassured and confident that I CAN DO IT! We also discussed a few incidents I have had to get me through the days, one yesterday I forgot to mention in my blog was bending down to touch the leftover bit of garlic bread on Claire's plate - I had no intention to eat it - I just wanted to touch it. I had forgotten how good food felt. Apparently even touching food when on Lipotrim is illegal!!
I took yet another trip to tesco this evening, not to gaze lovingly in the eyes of the cheese section, but to stock back up on my water supply as I have run out. I even found the courage to let Claire do a bit of her food shopping while we were in there, even if I did have to stand facing away from the till at the end while she packed her shopping! Maybe I'll help her pack next week ...
The texts and facebook messages I have received from friends and family have helped hugely, namely today from Carley (standard), Emma, Joanna, the Cassie's on facebook, Roz and Kay .. thanks everyone for your words of encouragement - because of you all I now feel totally under pressure to finish it ... so thanks (through gritted teeth!)
So, I cant stay away from the demons for much longerr and tomorrow I have to return to my office - BUT its my last FULL day of Lipo before weigh in on Friday ... and I'm feeling the pressure to loose a nice amount of weight in my first week .. if I don't loose a nice amount I think I'm going to get my revenge by force feeding the chemist lady and her assistant all the strawberry milkshakes I returned and then get THEM to step on the scales!
I did have to do something today however to curb my frustration, I removed myself from the Facebook Starbucks group - that hurt. That really really hurt.
Within the 4 walls of my study, in front of my computer is where I feel the most safe. There is of course the mild interruptions of "Two for Tuesday" reminders from Pizza Hut directly to my email inbox, but I deleted them after pondering, then realising it was Wednesday anyway.
I had a lovely choc coffee milkshake which I avoided until 11am .... I seem to think the longer I suffer first thing in the morning, the less I'll suffer in the afternoon - its not quite true but for those first few hours it certainly gets me by. I spent the rest of the morning in front of the PC, door closed hoping that I wouldn't hear the bittersweet sound of takeaway delivery menus landing on my doormat.
I felt the need to experiment with my sachets today - the standard milkshakes just were not cutting it and before long I just know the smell of the "chicken" (for vegetarians!) soup will make me gag - so instead I decided to make a mousse and a poppadom for my dinner! That's right - a mousse from my vanilla shake mix and a poppadom from my chicken soup mix ... and it was not good.
The vanilla mousse .... OK-ish apart from the slight tangy salty oat after taste I got, towards the end I just swallowed without tasting. Still, the concept of using a spoon to eat my dinner was somewhat exciting and it got me through the meal. I then attempted to make the chicken soup into a paste, spread it on a baking tray and pop it in the oven - the theory being it would turn into a big poppadom. The result? I'm one sachet down for the week and no poppadom. Tomorrow, I'm going to try making crisps out of it with fizzy water - by the end of this diet I envisage my very own cookbook "Tina's guide to surviving Lipotrim". I will of course perfect the poppadom before that one is published.
What I did successfully make was chocolate! Oh yes, here is one craving that will be well and truly fulfilled! Chocolate shake made to a paste with a little one, spooned into ice cube trays and VOILA! one hour later I had teeny tiny bite size snacks of chocolate to get me through the few hours in between meals when I just need a hit ... and they don't taste half bad! This afternoon was a tricky one and anyone on facebook that saw my status' were probably aware that it was a struggle .. I wanted to eat and all I kept doing was going to the kitchen and looking in the cupboards pining for the day I would be able to eat the contents of it ... I even considered throwing it all in the bin, and then had to wake up to the fact its just not fair to starve Claire as well all in the name of dieting!
I played badminton again tonight and saw Ian who inspired me (I use that word loosely now I'm on day 5 of the diet from hell) to do Lipotrim and we spent about 30 minutes after the game talking about the diet and I left the sports centre feeling reassured and confident that I CAN DO IT! We also discussed a few incidents I have had to get me through the days, one yesterday I forgot to mention in my blog was bending down to touch the leftover bit of garlic bread on Claire's plate - I had no intention to eat it - I just wanted to touch it. I had forgotten how good food felt. Apparently even touching food when on Lipotrim is illegal!!
I took yet another trip to tesco this evening, not to gaze lovingly in the eyes of the cheese section, but to stock back up on my water supply as I have run out. I even found the courage to let Claire do a bit of her food shopping while we were in there, even if I did have to stand facing away from the till at the end while she packed her shopping! Maybe I'll help her pack next week ...
The texts and facebook messages I have received from friends and family have helped hugely, namely today from Carley (standard), Emma, Joanna, the Cassie's on facebook, Roz and Kay .. thanks everyone for your words of encouragement - because of you all I now feel totally under pressure to finish it ... so thanks (through gritted teeth!)
So, I cant stay away from the demons for much longerr and tomorrow I have to return to my office - BUT its my last FULL day of Lipo before weigh in on Friday ... and I'm feeling the pressure to loose a nice amount of weight in my first week .. if I don't loose a nice amount I think I'm going to get my revenge by force feeding the chemist lady and her assistant all the strawberry milkshakes I returned and then get THEM to step on the scales!
I did have to do something today however to curb my frustration, I removed myself from the Facebook Starbucks group - that hurt. That really really hurt.
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